Navigating the Holidays With a New Baby: Boundaries, Balance, and Protecting Your Peace

A few years ago, when I was pregnant during the holiday season, I was filled with so much anticipation. I couldn’t wait to start new traditions, celebrate with friends and family, decorate baked goods- all with a new bundle of joy! For some, the holidays feel magical, but when you're a new mom, they can also feel intense. My Hallmark-movie fantasy did not prepare me for the unsolicited advice, the overstimulation, or the relatives who believed my son’s cheeks were up for grabs (literally). Add in sleep schedules, feeding routines, postpartum emotions, and the pressure to “make the holidays special,” and it’s no wonder so many new moms end up overwhelmed.

If you're going through this holiday season with a little one, here’s a reminder I wish someone had given me: your only job is to protect your baby’s needs and your peace. Everything else is optional. Easier said than done, of course so here’s a quick guide to navigating common holiday scenarios.

1. You Don’t Have to “Do It All” This Year

New motherhood is already a full-time emotional, physical, and logistical workload. You do not need to host dinner, road-trip for hours, or pack every weekend with events.

• Want a quiet holiday morning at home? Valid.

• Want to skip the big family gathering? Also valid.

• Want to participate but leave early? Perfectly reasonable.

  
  

2. Set Boundaries Early

You probably already know by now but people get very excited around new babies, which often leads to overstepping (even when well-intentioned). Some phrases you can use for common topics:

• On visits: “We’re keeping things low-key this year. Short visits only.”

• On being passed around: “We’re limiting how many people hold the baby to avoid overstimulation/germs.”

• On your time: “We’re building our own traditions and keeping our schedule light.”

• On travel: “Traveling with a baby isn’t right for us this year.”

Your tone can be warm, and the boundary can still be firm. Pro tip: Start any boundary with “Our pediatrician advised…” for immediate, pressure-free credibility.

3. Manage the “Can I Hold the Baby?” Requests

You’re in charge, not the crowd. If you feel uncomfortable or simply want to keep your baby close, that alone is enough reason to say no. To get ahead of these asks, show up to your gathering wearing your baby!

4. Expect Pushback (and Stay Grounded)

If you say “no” to someone who expected a “yes,” you may get reactions. There’s the disappointed grandparent, the passive aggressive in-laws, pressure from siblings, etc. Things that often start with “We never get to see the baby…” or “When I had a baby…”

This is about their expectations, not your choices. It’s important to remind yourself that your job is to take care of yourself and your family. Their job is to manage their own feelings.

5. Check In With Yourself

A few quick questions can help you stay aligned with what you need:

• Am I doing this because I want to, or because I feel guilty?

• How does my body feel when I imagine this plan?

• What would make this season easier for me?

Your needs matter just as much as your baby’s. 💜

Hopefully, with this guide, you can enjoy more ease (and maybe even a little magic) this holiday season. And just know, if your holiday doesn’t look like a cozy movie montage and instead looks like you eating cold latkes or crumbles of Christmas cookies over the sink while holding a baby who only naps on you… you’re still doing amazing. Truly.

If you're local to Boston, we discuss boundaries (and managing family members' expectations) in our childbirth education classes, newborn care classes, and postpartum mom's group. Check em out here!

Oh, and Happy Holidays from BBV!